Thoughts on Captivating- Part 1 of 2

A few weeks ago, after a conversation with Pastor Chris, I made a commitment to finally get all the way through Captivating. Up to that point, I had heard a lot about the book, read the first few chapters, and set it aside. Not interested. I have to admit now that my conclusions were based less on what I thought of the book and more on what I was told about the book. Shame on me. This time around I picked up the book with every intention of getting all the way through, only this time I started reading through the eyes of a pastor. I'm halfway through. Here is what I've found so far:

- The book is about unveiling the mystery of a women's soul, something the authors boil down the a single question that all girls and women seek to answer: Am I lovely (beautiful, irreplaceable, delighted in)?
- They work from the premise that women are the crown of creation, but that, like all creation, we have fallen from what God had in mind when He created us. As a result, women are engaged in a quest to answer that question in whatever way possible.
- Although they don't ever state it explicitly, the presupposition seems to be that most women have experienced some sort of deep and lasting wound against their femininity that fuels their unhealthy quest for affirmation. This wound almost always comes from fathers.
- Men are generally reluctant to do what it takes to truly do battle for a woman's heart because of their own fear of not having what it takes to help her there.
- At the halfway point, the focus switches from the brokenness of a woman's soul to the hope they can have, introduced through (and founded on?) Isaiah 62:1-5 and Jeremiah 30:16-17.


Those are the basics of the book. And if I am being completely honest with myself, I am disappointed in the book, and trying not to be. Maybe if I tell you all what I am thinking you can help me wrestle with it. So, in the same fashion:

- I absolutely resonate with the fact that women are seeking an answer to the question, "Am I lovely?" Although, I think I would state it, "Am I loved?" Maybe that's splitting hairs though. I truly believe that if women were to examine their own hearts honestly and openly they would find that much of their lives centers around answering this question. I know it has been and still is true for me and the women closest to me.
- I really wrestle with the picture the authors paint of women as the crown of creation. I suppose I can see why they came to this conclusion seeing as Eve was God's last act of creation, but I'm just not sure you can separate God's creation of Eve from His creation of Adam. Genesis tells us that BOTH were created to reflect His image, what I understand to mean that BOTH are needed to help complete that image. Humans were the crown of God's creation, not just women. Though man and woman do reflect different aspects of God, both are highly and equally valued by the Creator. It all just felt a little to "female power" for my comfort.
- Is it true that most women grew up in unhealthy homes where mom and, especially, dad were neglectful or violent or absent physically and/or emotionally or in some ways abusive, and that this created in them deep wounds? My mom and dad certainly weren't perfect, but they went to every effort to make sure I knew that I was loved and valued for who I was, no matter what they were going through in their relationship. And at the end of the day I still went through a stage in my life where I had to answer the foundational question for myself. It seems to me like it doesn't much matter how great or how horrible your parents were. At some point every women is going to have to answer for herself, "Am I lovely?" and come to the realization that the only satisfactory answer comes from establishing their identity in Christ. When I finally understood this my life changed dramatically. And the rest of that reality is that I am marrying a man in 18 days who is not afraid to truly do battle for the protection of my heart, and I still have to work every day to make sure I am answering the question as a new creation in Christ instead of as a wife (almost) or pastor or 26-year-old female living in the 21st century.
- I can't touch the man issue. Like I said, I feel like I have found a man who isn't afraid to do battle on behalf of my heart...he NEVER let's me retreat! But, I don't know what goes on inside the mind of a man so I have nothing to say on the matter.
- Perhaps it is fair to say that this is the other big problem I have with this book...they consistently seem to be taking Scripture out of context. Isaiah 62 falls in a larger section about preparing for the Coming Glory of God in which the world is renewed. It applies to the restoration of the whole people of God to their intended glory when the fullness of the Kingdom of God arrives. At least that's how I read it. Sure, it makes sense when applied to the brokenness of women, who are a part of the whole people of God, but I'm not sure that's an entirely accurate reading. The same goes for the passage from Jeremiah. But regardless, as a woman, and a human, I am anxious for the day when God will completely heal my wounds and restore me to glory. But that day has not fully arrived and for now I must do battle against this world and the ways it tries to answer the question "Am I loved?" And let's face it- that isn't always easy and the promise of what is to come sometimes just doesn't cut it. And if those two passages are what the rest of the book is built upon, what in the world are all the supposedly helpless, wounded women supposed to do in the meantime??

So, there you have it. What I hope for when I see a Christian book about the women's soul is a picture of a woman who, despite whatever circumstances have filled her life, walks confidently as a new Creation in Christ and knows that that makes her lovely beyond all that is imaginable. Maybe Captivating will get there. For now the only it is doing for me is making me thankful for the (seemingly unusual) story that I carry with me and awakening me to the reality of injustices that may exist in the lives of those I see every week. That alone makes it a worthwhile read, but I will press on the end and see what happens.

Stay tuned for part 2!